So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
