someone owes me an orgasm
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
