i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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