So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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