i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
