You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
