i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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