help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize