So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My vagina is officially offended.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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