your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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