I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
