i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
