why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
