I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
