My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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