He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sext me about skeletons
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You ruined the universe
Randomize
