I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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