i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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