if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the day after is always just damage control
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
