i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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