and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize