I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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