you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
