Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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