Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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