Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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