My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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