how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize