I could make wine with my vomit
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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