I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
