Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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