dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
