I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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