If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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