He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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