I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
