listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
