I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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