fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
