I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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