How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Are we still banned from the library?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
