Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
