talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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