I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
