Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
