end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
