i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
