Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
