I heard we made out
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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