I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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