At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
