i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
