Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
