One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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