I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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