Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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