How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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