Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
